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matbon0013

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Posts posted by matbon0013

  13. Posted · Report reply

    This bloke walks into a pub goes up to the bar and orders a white wine and sits down to relax. All of a sudden out of nowhere this music starts playing, it's the most beautiful music this guy has ever heard, were talking absolutely fantastic music here. The guy looks around the room to see if he can see where this music is coming from and over in the corner is this guy on the piano playing the music.

     

    The man walks over to the piano player and begins talking to him:

     

    Man: "that is one of the most beautiful pieces of music I have ever heard!"

     

    Piano Player: "thanks"

     

    Man: "what is the song called?"

     

    Piano Player: "it's called Take it up The Arse You b*tch !"

     

    Man: "you can't call it that!"

     

    Piano Player: "look mate, i'm a piano player, I wrote the song, I'll call it what I like!"

     

    Man: "ok, fair enough"

     

    So the bloke walks back over to the bar and sits down and continues to drink his wine. 5 mins later he hears another piece of music, this song is EVEN better than the last one, it is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL piece of music the guy has ever heard, he is nearly brought to tears at the shear beauty of it. Curious again the man walks over to the piano player and asks what the song is called?

     

    Piano Player: "this one is called I'm gonna cum on your chest you SLAG! "

     

    Man: "you can't call it that!"

     

    Piano Player: "look mate, I told you before, i'm a piano player, I wrote the song, I'll call it what I like!"

     

    Man: "ok, fair enough, now look I have a problem. I'm having a big party this friday night with hundreds of guests and I haven't got a music act for the gig yet, I would love for you to come and play some music for the guests, I'll pay you well but on one condition"

     

    Piano Player: "whats that?"

     

    Man: "you can't tell any of the guests what the songs are called, they would be so offended if they found out"

     

    Piano Player: "fair enough, see you on friday!"

     

    So friday comes and all of the guy's guests have arrived, when the Piano Player walks in.

     

    Man: "Great just in time, guests are here, piano is there, off you go!"

     

    Piano Player: "I can't yet"

     

    Man: "why the hell not?"

     

    Piano Player: " well.....you see...............I can't play the piano until I have had a wank!"

     

    Man: "you what?, don't be stupid, get up there and play the piano!"

     

    Piano Player: "look mate, its just a thing I HAVE to do, if I don't have a wank I can't play the piano, thats just the way it is!"

     

    Man: "Oh for gods sake, look theres the toilet, go in do your business and get out here and play the god damn piano"

     

    Piano Player: "ok!"

     

    So the piano player goes into the toilet to do his business, 10 mins later the is still in the toilet, the man is getting very frustrated by now and decides to go see what the hell is going on. He gets to the toilet and bangs on the door.

     

    Man: "oight mate, come on the guests are waiting"

     

    All of a sudden the door opens and out staggers the piano player looking an absolute state, his hair is all over the shot, his shirt is torn and ripped all over, his trousers are undone and he is tottaly covered in his own spunk.

     

    Man: "Jesus look at the state of you, what do you think your playing at?"

     

    Piano Player: "what?"

     

    Man: "Do you know your d*ck's hanging out and your covered in spunk?"

     

    Piano Player: "Know it mate?, I f*ckING WROTE IT!"

     

    RATED R

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