Blonde Jokes

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A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.

 

"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.

 

"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"

 

"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"

 

"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"

 

"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"

 

"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"

 

"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"

 

The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means - ....it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'."

 

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Back in the old Wild West, there were two blonde cowpokes, Jeff and Dave. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sarsaparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an Indian's head under his arm.

 

The barman shakes his hand and says, "I hate Indians; last week the bastards burnt my barn to the ground, assaulted my wife and killed my children." He then says, "If any man brings me the head of a Indian, I'll give him one thousand dollars."

 

The two blondes looked at each other and walked out of the bar to go hunting for an Indian. They were walking around for a while when suddenly they saw one; Jeff threw a rock which hit the Indian right on the head.

 

The Indian fell off his horse, but landed seventy feet down a ravine. The two nuts made their way down the ravine where Dave pulled out a knife to claim their trophy.

 

Suddenly, Jeff said, "Dave, take a look at this." Dave replied, "Not now, I'm busy."

 

Jeff tugged him on the shoulder and says, "I really think you should look at this."

 

Dave said, "Look, you can see I'm busy. There's a thousand dollars in my hand."

 

But Jeff was adamant. "Please, Dave, take a look at this."

 

So Dave looked up and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand red Indians.

 

Dave just shook his head and said, "Oh... my... God... ... we're going to be millionaires!"

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A blonde heard that milk baths make you beautiful. So she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.

 

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.

 

He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

 

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said: "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

 

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub with milk and take a milk bath."

 

The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"

 

The blonde said, "No just up to my boobs."

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A Policeman pulls over a blonde in a sports car for speeding. He tries to explain to her what and where her driver's license is.

Finally, after she gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration. Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper with you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment." Excited "Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is tearing throught the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his 'member'

out. Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no!!! Not another breathalizer test!"

[jasonhanjk 0]

GOOD

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I must warn you, some of these are really terrible & some you need to think a little:

What's a blonde's favorite wine?

"Daddy! I want to go to Miami!

 

What is a bellybutton for?

It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

 

What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?

B.J.

 

What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?

If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

 

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

The noise gave her a headache.

 

Why can't blondes count to 70?

Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

 

Why do blondes have square breasts?

Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box!!!

 

What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?

She turned it over and used the other side.

 

What did the blonde customer say to the waitress when reading her nametag?

"Debbie...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

 

Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?

More leg room!

 

Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?

She didn't know which ONE came first..

 

How can you confuse a blonde?

Put her in a round room and tell her to site in the corner.

 

Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?

"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. We're just going to sell drinks!!!

 

What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?

Locking the car door.

 

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

 

What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?

Pubic hair.

 

Why did God create brunettes?

Neither could the blondes.

 

Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?

From dating blonde men.

 

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?

Wave to her

 

What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?

They've both swallowed a lot of seamen

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A plane with 4 passengers is about to crash, but has only three

parachutes. The first passenger says "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA

basketball player. The Lakers need me. I can't afford to die." So he

takes the first parachute and leaves the plane.

 

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, says "I am the wife of the

former President of the United States. I am the most ambitious woman in

the world. I am also a New York Senator, a potential future President,

and above all, the smartest woman in America." She grabs the second

parachute and leaves the plane.

 

The third passenger, The Rev. Billy Graham, says to the fourth

passenger, a 10 year old school boy, "I am old and I don't have many

years left. As a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the

last parachute."

 

The boy says, "It's okay. There is still a parachute left for you.

America's smartest woman took my school backpack."

 

 

Just in case you're wondering... she blonde! LOL!

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were sitting around trying to compare their boyfriends to brands of pop.

The redhead said, "My boyfriend's like 7-Up. He's seven inches long and he's always up."

The brunette said, "My boyfriend's like Mountain Dew. He loves to do it in the mountains all the time."

The blonde said, "My boyfriend's like Jack Daniels."

The brunette cut in, "You can't use Jack Daniels. That's a hard liquor."

A smile crossed the blonde's face. "I know."

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Finally i have a blonde joke...

 

A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang.

"Who is it?"

"Blind man," came the response.

Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes,

grabbed her purse, and opened the door. The man's jaw dropped and he stammered, "Wh-where do you want me to put these blinds, lady?"

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good 1

 

 

 

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A man starts work in a sex shop, on his first day, his boss leaves him alone for a while while he goes out. At this time, a blonde walks in: she asks, "How much for the white dildo?"

He answers, "$35."

She: "How much for the black one?"

He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."

She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before."

She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in

and asks, "How much for the black dildo?"

He: "$35."

She: "How much for the white one?"

He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."

She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one

before..." She pays him, and off she goes.

About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are

your dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."

She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"

He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."

She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never

had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes.

Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"

To which the salesman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"

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68: A gorgeous young blonde woman gets sick and tired of men trying to pick her up in bars because she's beautiful, blonde, and so men thought she was easy.

One day, she decides to show everyone. She goes home and decides to smarten herself up. She decides to learn the capitals of all the fifty states. Week after week she practices until she knows them all. Finally, she is once again ready to go back to the bar. She sits down and after a few seconds and guy comes up to her and starts hitting on her. It is soon evident that he just wants to take her home and have sex with her. The lovely blonde says emphatically, "But I'm not just beautiful! I'm smart too!!" "Yeah, yeah. I believe you," says the young stud. "Now let's go."

Again she protests. "No, really I am smart. I know the capitals of all the states." The guy starts walking away, getting sick of her.

She follows him. "Really, go ahead ask me a state. I'll give you its capital and show you how smart I am."

Just to get rid of her, the guy says, "Fine. What's the capital of New Mexico? The breathtaking blonde looks at him proudly and says. "New Mexico has two capitals: 'N' and 'M'.