N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 3, 2003 An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 4, 2003 Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and the other one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. The brunette says, "What is going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the blondes says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matbon0013 0 Report post Posted September 6, 2003 Blind chap walks into a pub orders a pint and say's to the barman you've got to hear this its the best blonde joke ever, the barman replies excuse me sir, before you go any further I must warn you that the girl sitting to your left is a blonde and also has a black belt in judo, the woman sitting at the table on the right as you entered the pub is blonde and an Olympian shot put champion, my wife and myself are both blonde and I enjoy boxing, now I realise your blind so I wont take any offensive, but do you really want to tell that joke. The blind guy sips his beer and says to the barman no its ok I cant be arsed to explain it 4 times Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 11, 2003 Space Shuttle launches with the following crew; two monkeys and a blonde. Once in orbit, NASA is heard. "This is Houston, could monkey number 1 please carry out your task." Monkey number 1 jumps over to the console, taps in a few instructions and a sattelite is promptly launched. "This is Houston, could monkey number 2 please carry out your task." Monkey number 2 jumps over to the console and enters the commands to return the shuttle to Earth. "This is Houston, could the blonde please ca..." "I know, I know... feed the monkeys and don't touch anything." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 12, 2003 A blond walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door." "Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that." A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice. "No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde inside the car. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2003 OK this is a little better: Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked. "Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" asked the wife. "Well, she must, she was standing right on it!" her husband replied. About 45 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door. "I'm all finished," she told the surprised homeowner. The man was amazed. "You painted the whole porch?" "Yeah," Julie replied, "I even had some paint left, so I put on two coats!" The man reached into his wallet to pay Julie. "Oh, and by the way," said Julie, "That's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 17, 2003 A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?", asked the Dr. "You have to help me, I hurt all over", she said. "All over? Be a little more specific". said the Dr. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger & yelled. "ow, that hurts". Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "That hurts,too". Then she touched her right earlobe,"That even hurts" she cried. The Dr. looked at her thoughtfully for a moment & asked, "Are you a natural blonde?" "Why, yes," she said. "I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 20, 2003 A young blonde woman goes for to an office for a job interview . The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?" The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 23!". The interviewer tries another straight forward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?" The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!" This isn`t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?" The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie". The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?" "Ohh that!" replies the blonde, "That`s just me running through `Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 25, 2003 Blond medical terminology Artery -- Study of paintings Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U Caesarean section -- District in Rome Cat scan -- Searching for kitty Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her Colic -- Sheep dog Coma -- A punctuation mark Congenital -- Friendly D&C -- Where Washington is Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events Dilate -- To live long Enema -- Not a friend Fester -- Quicker Fibula -- A small lie G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game Grippe -- Suitcase Hangnail -- Coathook Impotent -- Distinguished, well known Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee Labor pain -- Got hurt at work Medical staff -- Doctor's cane Morbid -- Higher offer Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate Node -- Was aware of Outpatient -- Person who had fainted Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis Post operative -- Letter carrier Protein -- Favoring young people Rectum -- It almost killed him Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery Rheumatic -- Amorous Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf Secretion -- Hiding anything Seizure -- Roman emperor Serology -- Study of knighthood Tablet -- Small table Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport Tibia -- Country in North Africa Tumor -- An extra pair Urine -- Opposite of you're out Varicose -- Located nearby Vein -- Conceited Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Q00 0 Report post Posted September 25, 2003 Sounds like an ah-beng dictionary... but nonetheless... i digress... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rameish 0 Report post Posted September 25, 2003 Sounds like an ah-beng dictionary... but nonetheless... i digress... Totally agree. Ah lians and Ah bengs do talk like that don't they. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 25, 2003 Maybe in another life they would be Blondes. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Q00 0 Report post Posted September 25, 2003 Hahahah...asian versions of blondes.... most of the bengs and lians dye their hair blonde anyway! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted September 27, 2003 Can I get away with this one? Three blondes are talking about their boyfriends. "It's funny," says Samantha. "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm sucking his d*ck!" "You know what?" replies Jenny. "It's exactly the same with my Richard!" They turn to the third blonde and ask: "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, also?" "Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!" "You're crazy," one of the blondes pipes up. "A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it!" She says she'll think about it. The next morning, they meet at the cafe and the blowjob novice is sporting a wicked shiner. "Whoa!" the first blonde asks. "How did you get that black eye?!" "Chris hit me when I was blowing him," she said. "What on earth for?!" the second blonde asks. "I don't know," she replies. "All I did was tell him how strange it was that his balls were so warm, seeing as Pete and Richard's are so cold!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
