Q00 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2003 A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." "She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that, but #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic, too!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley". He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun," why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2003 Ever wondered why there are so many Civil Engineers? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lekguan 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2003 (edited) Possibly the best advertiser in the world. Title of ad: "Get my FREE Handphone & $1.5 Million waiting for u" LOL very funny, read it, here's the link: http://www.hardwarezone.com/classified/vie...55&category=16& Erm is this considered a joke? Subject Get my FREE Handphone & $1.5 Million waiting for u Posted on Wednesday, 22nd October 2003, 9:44 PM Category Computer/IT >> Mobile Phone Posted by gigoloduck (SINGAPORE) Value SGD 0.00 by Cash Description LOOK NO FURTHER! I am offering so many free gift which is the best deal of all. So why wasting your time looking for 2nd hand handphone or wasting your hard earn money $$ to buy a Second hand handphone. Die Die must get my XELIBRI before it is TOO late!! **My XELIBRI handphone is VIRGIN! BRAND NEW! NEVER USED BEFORE! FULL WARRANTY! No line of Contract of M1 or Singtel or Starhub** FREE Gifts for successful deal: FREE A Singapore Sweep ticket to win $1.5M FREE $100 TRAVEL VOUCHER BY CTC FREE SAFRA Jack-Knife FREE SAFRA MUG FREE Toys made in Korea FREE Manchester United Training Video FREE PS/2 IBM Computer mouse FREE UOB mouse pad FREE 350ML NEWater made in Singapore! TO Get handphone for FREE: You must a Samsung S200 handphone to exchange with my XELIBRI handphone (BRANDNEW) as shown in the picture! No 4% GST!!! It's FREE!!!! Full Warranty!!! No line of Contract!!!!!!!!!! If you don't have a above mentioned Samsung S200 handphone kindly state your model handphone for exchange. Depend on your handphone model maybe I can consider exchange free for you! If you don't have above mentioned Samsung S200 handphone or any handphone for exchange you can quote the price that you are willing to pay. There is no line of contract. Full warranty! I offer 100% FULL REFUND if you can find anywhere in Singapore that XELIBRI handphone selling cheaper or better deal than my offer. Edited November 6, 2003 by lekguan Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rameish 0 Report post Posted October 22, 2003 Q00, fastastic one. Lekguan, the idea some people have of advertising is ??? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
matbon0013 0 Report post Posted October 23, 2003 (edited) Q00, here is one for you! A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends £5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home he stops at a news stand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonald's for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29". "I am actually 47". This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes, I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "OK, it's done. You are 47." Stunned the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds." Edit - Typo Edited October 23, 2003 by matbon0013 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Q00 0 Report post Posted October 23, 2003 Good one! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Q00 0 Report post Posted October 23, 2003 1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs 53 to flame the spell checkers 41 to correct spelling/grammar flames 1 newbie to ask how to get one of those little pictures under your name 6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive 2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp" 15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct 156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy" 109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum 203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped 111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this forum 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty 27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs 14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's 3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group 33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too" 12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy 19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three" 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ 44 to ask what "FAQ" means 4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?" 143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs" 1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Q00 0 Report post Posted October 23, 2003 Types of Women? HARD-DISK woman: She remembers everything, FOREVER. RAM woman: She forgets about you the moment you turn her off. WINDOWS woman: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her. EXCEL woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs. SCREENSAVER woman: She is good for notjing but at least she is fun! INTERNET woman: Difficult to access. // Everybody will access!! SERVER woman: Always busy when you need her. MULTIMEDIA woman: She makes horrible things look beautiful. CD-ROM woman: She is always faster and faster. E-MAIL woman: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense. VIRUS woman: Also known as "wife"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Q00 0 Report post Posted October 24, 2003 A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay." The next day the same guy came into the bar and placed the same order for drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!" On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said "Darn! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" "Yeah, my wife..." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Q00 0 Report post Posted October 24, 2003 There are 3 soldiers in basra in Iraq on a peace keeping mission under the control of the local shiek. There's a Brit, an American and a French soldier. One Friday night they find a keg of beer and can't resist getting pissed. Being it an arab country and drinking being illegal, when they get caught the Shiek demands a public whipping for their crime. He demands 20 lashes of the whip in a public slaying. The Brit is up first, and just as he's about to get his first lash the Sheik returns with great news that his cousin is getting married so he grants them all one wish. The Brit asks for a pillow to be tied to his back. After 10 lashes the pillow has been smashed to pieces and the last 10 rip his back to shreds. The french soldier requests 2 pillows, laughing at the Brit, but even 2 pillows only lasts 10 lashes and he too feels the last 10 lashes. Just as the American is about to get lashed, the Sheik runs out with even further great news, as his wife is expecting their first child. As a show of his great generosity he tell's the American you may have 2 wishes. The American say's "sure, give me 40 lashes for my first wish". The Sheik looking surprised says "As you wish". American. "And for my second wish, tie that French b*stard to my back". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Q00 0 Report post Posted October 26, 2003 At the game a woman was reported to be wearing only a RedSox cap over each breast and a Yankees cap over her crotch. The police were called and kindly offered to escort her from the park for such an outfit but before she left they explained that they would have to check under the caps for illegal objects. The officer lifts one Sox caps and finds only boob, he lifts the other and finds the same. He then lifts the Yankess cap over her coochee. He lifts and lets go. Lifts and lets go Lifts and lets go. She says "what are you some sort of perv or something?" He says "No ma'am, just usually when I lift a Yankees cap all I find is a f*cken asshole" Nooch! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
N@Z 0 Report post Posted October 29, 2003 A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to shave his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Blues 0 Report post Posted October 29, 2003 .......... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
